following their pleasure,
following their intuition,
selfishly full of themSelves in the best possible way.
They scream and cry when they want the red cup not the purple one, to us it makes no sense, it is just a cup, they should be happy with what they got, we shouldn’t reward “bad behavior” by giving them what they asked for, then they will always scream and cry to get what they want, certainly I never would have gotten away with that as a child…These thoughts and more swarm our minds…
What if we supported them in following their intuition, their voice, their passion, their pleasure??
And see how it is for me, when I go to choose a mug for my cup of tea…doesn’t it feel GOOD to choose my favorite one? To even stop for a moment and tune in: which one do I really want? What feels best to me?
It is a simple practice of tuning in, listening, choosing what feels best to you, what your gut sense is pulling you towards, your intuition, your KNOWING, your Yes, your pleasure, your Joy…
And if you can do it for which cup to use, and which tea to drink out of it, what food to eat, when to move your body and in what way, when to speak to someone, when to step away from a situation, when to take time for yourself or time with others, what path of study to pursue, what job to take, what partner to pick, where to live….
The little choices become the big choices, see?
The little tune-in moments prime you for your bigger tune-in moments.
And isn’t it wonderful to do that for your children, with your children?
To honor their voice, their gut instinct, their intuition, so they will learn to honor their own.
And no, they won’t “throw a tantrum” to get what they want all the time IF they feel you are on their side, attuned to them, partnering with them as they navigate their life.
And if they DO “throw a tantrum”—isn’t that wonderful?! They are using their voice, they are committed to themselves and they are expressing it, isn’t it beautiful to support that? Using their strong emotions as a very clear communication to YOU that they need you to partner with them to help life flow smoothly. And by doing that, helping them follow their Voice, you remember how to attune to yourSelf, make the choices that feel good and solid and in alignment with Who You Are.
Let us re-claim selfishness.
Children don’t learn to be generous with others by having their needs and desires suppressed and over-powered by adults. They learn to be generous and think of others by having their needs valued as important over and over again by the powerful adults in their lives. By having generosity modeled towards them.
So please, let them choose the cup, what they want to eat, whether or not to wear socks, if they want to watch another episode of a show.
And meanwhile, follow their lead and learn to tune in more and more to your own needs and desires and intuition, which is the guiding force of your own life.
And over and over again, doing this, you will weave a life where you and your child are both adept at following your own instincts, being Selfish in the best possible way, while also learning the art of generosity and clarity with yourselves and others.